March 9, 2021

Laying It Out

nathalia-segato-V9qc-JVKIBo-unsplashPhoto Credit : Nathalia Segato

With this treatment, your skin will definitely get thinner. Maybe your hands will get weak.
After it’s all done and dusted, will I be able to play the piano?
Of course, no problem at all.
That’s amazing, I can’t right now!

It’s an old line, but clearly not one recognised by the doctor I was talking to, who eyed me up quizzically. I started laughing and she caught on … moving on to rephrase what was just said …

Your piano playing capability will be no better or worse than your current expertise once this process is completed.

I highlight this small story as I reflect on where we are. Let me explain. It’s interesting isn’t it. When news like this breaks out - how most people when they hear the news drops a tone, lowers the volume of conversation and pulls out their ‘I’m so sorry voice’. They then move on to tell you not to worry. That everything will be ok - you got to stay positive. etcetra. Curiously I am. Since getting the news, I THINK all I have done is been positive. Later I will share some words form friends that don’t take that line. That speak form the heart. Until then I am being carful with who I share this news with. I just do not want to be inundated by platitudes and ‘prayers to you’ messages. I just don’t’. I grabbed a couple of apps that people told me I should use during this process. Calm and Headspace. Early days yet, but interesting that Headspace has a ‘Cancer Program’. Photo Credit : Jakayla Toney Best estimate is that this problem has been building up in my throat for (likely) over two years. In that time, the tumour has had time to get settled, even established. I recall having odd issues with swallowing / digestion of pasta and bread at that time but wrote it off as a little ‘acid reflux’ and it never really came back .. so under the management scheme of ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ … it didn’t seem it was - so I didn’t. And who knows if it was/is connected. That said, two years sitting in there not doing anything, no visibility … it’s down my throat - so until I developed some mouth ulcers and one if my lymph nodes was swollen … well, nothing really. That’s where the name of this site comes from. The site isn’t about me, nor my specific cancer. It’s about all of us and all cancers. What we can do. What we do do. When the unexpected slaps us in the face, even though it is generally …

‘Hidden In Plain Sight.’

See my other Commentary here.


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Hidden In Plain Sight Photo Credit : Jakayla Toney Best estimate is that this problem has been building up in my throat for (likely) over two years. In that time, the
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Music Photo Credit : Simon Noh Someone once said it was their first love … and probably their last! I know what they mean. There are two aspects of the